Friday, February 29, 2008
Thank you for all your help
Friday, February 22, 2008
21 Ways to Say "I love you" without saying a word
21 Ways to Say "I Love You" (Without Saying a Word)
Redbook readers — and their guys! — share how they show their love.
By Sara AndersonYou already know it's important for you and your guy to tell each other "I love you" — as often as possible. But you shouldn't depend on those three little words to let your one-and-only know what's in your heart. In fact, nonverbal displays of affection are often a better way to get through to the man in your life.
"Guys tend to be action-oriented, so they feel less comfortable using words to express emotions," says REDBOOK Love Network expert and psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. "They've seen enough Tom Hanks movies to know they're supposed to always say 'I love you,' but they're not sure that words alone convey how they feel."
Ready to let what you do speak louder than what you say? We asked REDBOOK readers and the men in their lives to share some sweet ideas. Plus, we added in some expert tips on how to give your love a boost without uttering a word.
"Sometimes I 'write' a love message on my husband's breakfast toast. Using cookie cutters, especially my Valentine's Day set of hearts, I press one lightly into a slice of bread, just hard enough to imprint it, then I toast it. It never fails to bring a smile to his face." —Anita Crehan, Mason, NH
ROMANCE, REVISITED
"Every now and then I leave a card saying how much I love and appreciate him under his pillow for him to find before he goes to sleep." —Cim Collins, Springfield, IL
"My wife, Leigh Anne, sometimes has to travel for work, and when she gets home, I give her a small gift for every day she has been gone. I'll set them on the kitchen table and wait for her to notice them — things like her favorite perfume, fresh flowers, or a cool piece of hand-made jewelry. I love to spoil her!" —John Montgomery, Birmingham, AL
"I place special little love notes, cartoons, jokes, or small articles — sometimes racy ones — in her underwear drawer. She never knows what to expect next. She gets a big kick out of them and knows it is my way of saying I love her." —Joe Cirillo Jr., Englewood, FL
"When I take a shower at night, I write messages on the fogged-up mirrors so they appear when he takes a shower in the morning before he goes to work." —Jackie Peirce, Oley, PA
MAKE LIFE A LITTLE EASIER
"My husband puts toothpaste on my toothbrush and leaves it lying on the sink for me every night before bed. He is the sweetest husband ever!" —Lisa Wilkes-North, Heath, TX
"I scour the TV listings for his favorite movies or a sporting event that I know he'd love to watch. I TiVo it without telling him, then surprise him with it on Saturday morning. Bonus: While he's on the couch, I've just bought myself some me-time. Manicure, pedicure, here I come!" —Cindy Panowicz, Grand Island, NE
"Before my husband leaves for work, he sets the table for my breakfast. He lays out a bowl for cereal, a cup for orange juice, strawberries, a napkin, and a spoon. For a big, manly union guy, this is a really major step!" —Patricia Armstrong, Danvers, MA
"I love that my husband gets up every morning when I do. His job doesn't start till 9, so he could easily sleep later than me, but he doesn't. While I get ready, he gets our three kids dressed and loads them into the van with their backpacks. To me, this is one of the best ways he can say he loves us all." —Jeanette Dominguez, El Paso, TX
SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION
"We brag about each other when we're out with our friends — even if it's about something little, like 'Oh, Barry had the best idea the other day' or 'Barry fixed the whatsit that's been leaking!'" —Jennifer Starr, Columbus, OH
"For Christmas, I bought a dictionary and went through it, highlighting all the definitions that describe him or remind me of him." —Jaynee Germond, Roseburg, OR
"Every morning before I get up, he leaves two folded towels in the bathroom for me for when I take a shower — one big towel for my body and a smaller towel for my head." —Amy Rossi-Espagnet, Atlanta
EXPERT CHALLENGE: SHOW HIM YOUR GRATITUDE WITH A BEAR HUG
"The number one complaint I hear from guys is they feel like they don't get rewarded for the things they do, only told what they didn't do. Next time your man takes out the trash without being asked or starts the coffee pot for you in the morning, reward him with a 30-second full-body hug. Guys are so physical — it's easy and teasy." —Toni Coleman
"In the wintertime I start my husband's car in the morning so it will be toasty warm for him on his way to work." —Autumn Griffin, Canton, OH
HIGH-SPEED SIGNS OF DEVOTION
"I changed the banner on his cell phone to read 'I Love You' when he wasn't looking!" —Becky White, Newton, AL
"My husband and I send each other short e-mails to say what we are thinking about at that very moment. Once, he wrote me, 'The new Brad Paisley song makes me think of you.' Now every time I hear it on the radio, I'm reminded how much my husband loves me." —Michelle Magnetti, Colorado Springs, CO
"My husband gets up at 5:30 a.m., but he pulls his dresser drawers open the night before so the noise of them opening and closing won't disturb me. Now that's love!" —Connie Maynord, Bastrop, TX
SEND A SECRET MESSAGE
EXPERT CHALLENGE: POINT THE WAY
"Here's a suggestive sign he can't miss: Leave a trail of post-it notes in the hallway with arrows on them leading all the way to the bedroom." —Joyce Morley-Ball, Atlanta psychotherapist and author of Seeds for the Harvest of a Lifetime.
"Every time we kiss, we do it three times, which stands for 'I love you.' When my husband pulls out of the driveway in the morning, I stand at the door while he sets off the emergency light on his truck, also three times for 'I love you.'" —Peggy Clayton, Dubuque, IA
EXPERT CHALLENGE: DRAW HIM A MAP
"Use your eyeliner to give yourself a temporary tattoo — an arrow that starts at your navel and points down. Remember: Men are very visual!" —Scott Haltzman, M.D.
23 ways to celebrate your marriage from MSN Lifestyle
When you first met and got hitched, you couldn't stop gushing about married life and how wondrous it was going to be. In fact, the situation was so serious that your best friend, your sister, and even your mother were getting a little tired of hearing the details.
But then, after the wedding hoopla faded, you probably found that life kicked in at a wicked pace, your priorities got reshuffled, and you just didn't have time to sit back and reflect on your marital bliss. If you can relate, know this: "It's not the traditional stuff — the big dinner out once a year, or even the regular Saturday-night dates — that pulls you together and bonds you," says Constance Ahrons, Ph.D. "It's little bits of time stolen together and small, frequent gestures that remind you of what you have in common and your commitment to each other." Of course, no one's saying you should bag the annual dinner. But try these ideas from experts and couples, and you'll find that opportunities to connect and feel really good about your marriage are lurking everywhere, every day of the year.
1. Tell him you love him
Spill your most loving thoughts. "We tend to get caught up in complaining — he doesn't say this or do that — but it's so important to affirm out loud what a great guy he is, and why you fell in love with him, and love him so much today," says Gloria Richfield, Ph.D. Next time he cracks you up, pipe up about how incredible it is to be married to a guy with such a terrific sense of humor; or first thing in the morning, before your feet touch the floor, let him hear that whatever the workday holds can't faze you, since you know you'll see him that night.
2. Talk about the future
All new couples love to daydream about the future — the places you'll go, the parties you'll throw, the house you'll renovate — but that habit tends to fall by the wayside when you're in a long-standing union. To get that sense of anticipation going again, and make sure the coming years have the highlights you're hoping for, visualize the future together. Plan a romantic vacation, a wilderness adventure or something closer to home, like putting a Jacuzzi in your bathroom — and make it happen.
3. Give "just-because" gifts
Instead of going for big-ticket items on "real holidays," a writer and mom of three in California and her husband, Bill, give gifts when the appropriate occasion strikes, calendar be damned. "When I noticed that I was bored silly with seeing him in the same suit everyday, I took him shopping for a new one, and when he saw that a writer's conference was coming to a college near us, he signed me up to help my journalism career along," she says. "Those kinds of gifts make us feel connected, like we're looking out for each other all year long."
4. Keep a sex diary
"During our first anniversary dinner, after a little too much wine, my husband toasted our sex life and a particularly unusual spot in which we'd done the deed," says a portrait artist in Texas. "We began reminiscing and wrote down, in the back of my datebook, every place we'd ever had sex. Now, every anniversary dinner, we update that list, and if the new locations aren't numerous or exciting enough, we challenge ourselves to do better next year. It's silly but fun, and lets us obsess over our sex life a little."
5. Take the "happy" challenge
Your child's favorite shirt has gone AWOL. You've forgotten to mail the car payment for a week now. On top of all this, you're supposed to commit random acts of kindness for your husband? Well, yes, say the experts — you've got to make an effort to pamper that life partner of yours. "Ask yourself: 'What one little thing can I do to make this person happy today?'" suggests Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D. It can be something as little as bringing a cup of coffee with just the right amount of milk or calling during the day to say, "I'm thinking about you." Those little touches make a guy feel appreciated, nurtured — and altogether in love with the institution of marriage.
6. Toast each other
Recognize the good stuff regularly. "We inherited this huge champagne glass from my grandparents — it holds almost a whole bottle of bubbly — and any time we have an excuse, we bring it down and drink to our life together," says one woman who works at a law firm. "We've used it on anniversaries, when we closed on our house and when either of us got a promotion or a new job." So if you didn't receive a pair of champagne glasses as a wedding present, buy some now and put them to use — often.
7. Get your picture taken
If you're like most couples, the only recent photograph you have is of your forearm bracing your child as she tries out her new Jolly Jumper. Invest in having a professional photo taken of you and your man, frame it, and squeeze it in between those baby pictures covering the hallway wall. That permanent record of the two of you, beaming at each other, will reinforce your happy state of togetherness whenever you glance at it.
8. Avoid usual topics
When you do have some quality time together — maybe on Sunday morning while the kids are watching cartoons — don't let conversation fall into the usual ruts, says Dr. Wallerstein, be it complaining about the boss or strategizing how to get your toddler to eat something other than peas. "Really talking — about your hopes, say, or your innermost thoughts — has an energizing effect on the relationship and helps you better know and appreciate each other," she says.
9. Re-create your early bonding ritual
Were the two of you knocked out by a particular film on one of your first dates? Rent it. Is there an album that served as the soundtrack to the summer you fell in love? Play it — often. Or did you used to meet for a drink at that little bar near the bookstore? Go there again. All will remind you of those heady early days, and give you ample opportunity to note how your love has deepened since.
10. Check on your sleeping children — together
The ideal time to moon over them is when they're soundly asleep, like angels. Tiptoe in together and revel in the fact that you made these wondrous little creatures. And remember, be very, very quiet.
11. Plant something
Some couples talk about how satisfying it is to plant a tree in their yard and watch it grow bigger and stronger every year with their marriage. If you can't commit to something that major, even a houseplant the two of you nurture will do. "We've got this one plant that's been everywhere with us," says a mother of two in Seattle. "We had it in Boston, when I was in grad school; it moved to Michigan, to Seattle, back East, then back to Seattle again with us. Every now and then, as we water it or move it to a new spot, we'll think about all the places we've been and how, like the plant, we're still going strong, no matter where we live."
12. Declare an extra anniversary (or two)
Should the only celebration of your marriage be that one fancy-dinner-with-good-bottle-of-wine a year? No way. Add both the day you met and the day you got engaged to the calendar as excuses to go out or give each other a special gift (even a simple candlelit massage counts). To push things further, listen to a mother of two in North Carolina: "I've been really inspired by a couple I know who celebrate their 'month-a-versary' — they make a big fuss over each other on the date of their wedding, every month. Hard for me to pull off, but a good goal to aim for."
13. Meet someplace all dressed up
Decide to rendezvous at, say, a bar or museum, but you do your makeup and wiggling-into-sheer-black-stockings routine at the office while he puts on a great dinner jacket and tie at home. When you then (surprise!) see each other looking your best, you'll each realize what a dude/babe you've landed and feel that much more intoxicated with one another.
14. Feather your nest
Futon couches are for single folks. Now that you're married, acquire the goods that married folks get to have, like a dining room set. Or, follow the example of one New York couple and become art collectors: "Over years we've bought paintings or photos on themes we're interested in. They're permanent, visible, and they remind us of shared passion in our lives."
15. Say it with flowers
Who, if not your spouse, is going to greet you at the door with a bouquet of roses? The point of this rhetorical question: to get you back into that early-dating ritual of giving flowers — a gift that serves no purpose other than to delight the recipient's senses. Keep in mind that it's not a one-way street. See what a bunch of tiger lilies does for his mood.
16. Keep notes
"My husband and I work different shifts, so we barely talk during the week," says a mother of two in Michigan. "So we leave notes for each other in a spiral notebook. Like I'll say, "Last night was awesome!" and come home to find a funny little comment he's added on. Sometimes I flip through the book, and it brings back a lot of good, recent memories about our life together."
17. Walk arm in arm
Or hold hands. Or spoon at night for a couple of minutes, even if you can only fall asleep with your backs toward the middle of the bed. In case you hadn't noticed, physical affection — and not just of the sexual variety — is one of the loveliest perks of marriage. Indulge in it often.
18. Bank on it
In the olden days, women known as "housewives" had this stuff called "mad money" — just-in-case funds for an emergency or, more likely, an unexpected splurge. One North Carolina woman adapts this tradition for modern-day life by trying to pay for things with singles, five-dollar bills, whatever, and putting all the change into a piggybank as a special anniversary-dinner fund. For more immediate gratification, you can use the cash for, say, buying a nice bottle of wine or dinner when the kids have sleepover dates.
19. Give the right thing
"Hokey as it may sound, my husband and I follow that 'give something paper on your first anniversary' tradition," says one woman. "I like it because it makes us feel part of a tradition, as if we're somehow linked with all the eons of married people, and so on." But that doesn't mean the gifts have to be old-fogey-ish. "We just celebrated our third anniversary — the leather one — and bought each other very cool jackets."
20. Get a "married folks" hobby
Sure, you each need your own separate interests to keep you stoked and give you something to talk to the spouse about. But there's something to be said for having a shared pastime. Golf, bridge, and the like are getting popular again. Maybe it's because they provide time to bond as a couple, have all sorts of fun little rituals (think tees, monogrammed balls, gaudy golf wear, and we haven't even hit on that addictive chocolate bridge-mix yet) and give you a chance to meet and hang with other couples.
21. Prick up your ears
"If one of us mentions that we really, really want something, we make it our mission to make it happen," says one woman in New York. "My husband had once said he would love a surprise party on his 40th birthday, so when it came around, I surprised him with a real blowout — an evening dinner cruise on a yacht. It was a total life highlight for us, definitely worth all the planning and expenses. You've got to seize those opportunities to really indulge one another."
22. Find an out-of-the-house meeting place
Once every month or so, have breakfast with your husband at the same local diner on your way to work or sneak out of the office at 5 p.m. sharp for drinks at a cozy neighborhood bar — it'll give you time to connect and make the two of you feel that you have a special place, no matter how ordinary. Couples today, especially those with kids, have so little time together. Forget that Saturday-night-date stuff and steal time from the workweek. Your job will still get done.
23. Hang out with single people
There are two ways to make this work for you. One, you and your husband invite some single folk (or even better, an engaged couple) over for coffee and bask in their somewhat envious gazes and their relentless curiosity about your life. You've got what they're dreaming of, and your little klatch will help you appreciate that a bit more. Or slide into a corner table at a singles hangout with your husband and watch the mating ritual over a cold beer. The two of you have come a long way — and to a fantastic place — haven't you?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day
Jason~ I adore you more than words could every tell. You are the light in my eyes, the love in my heart and the soul of my being. Thank you for always standing by me and up for me. You truly are an amazing man and I feel extremely lucky that I get to share my journey through life you with you by my side, holding my hand and loving me like you do. Thank you honey for all that you do, all that you are and all that you have shared with me. I LOVE YOU Forever and a day.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
August 17, 1991 The begining of a whole new life
I woke up that morning to Jason standing in my room. I was confused, as he wasn't suppose to be there it was our wedding day. He kissed me and said he just wanted to check and see how I was feeling. I was surprised to say that I felt much better and was ready to be his wife. With that he left and our wedding day began for me.
First on my agenda was an appt at the hair salon. Got my hair done and got back to my house. The next thing I remember is walking in to the church. To start getting ready. I wasn't really nervous which surprised me. I was just ready to start my married life with my love. With being sick I hadn't really eaten much for a few days and all of a sudden I was starving. I told someone and I think my step-dad went and got me something to eat. I was so happy to see him come in with some food. After my quick lunch it suddenly seemed like everything was happening at once. I remember asking about Jason and all my girls were with me said they hadn't seen him but they had been with me. Then I wandered out in to the hall and
saw Jason's dad. He looked at me and said Have you seen Jason? I can't find him or something like that. I wasn't sure if he was kidding me or freaking me out but I went with he is just kidding me and had faith that Jas was there somewhere. He wouldn't do that.So I went back to getting ready. Since I was wearing lace hightop sneakers I had leggings and socks to wear under my dress. Which I think were much more comfy then panty hose every would have been. I am all about the comfort of things. I had both my Mom and Step-Mom helping me get dressed along with my two friends so I didn't have much to do. Then suddenly everything was done and I was ready to be married to the love of my life, my heart and soul, my Jason. We all went out in to the hall to wait for our time. Everyone was given there flowers and When I was handed mine they weren't exactly what I had ordered,they were pretty but I wanted a single big gardenia to be suspended by fishing line from the bouquet but what could you do I was about to walk down the aisle and that point I didn't really care what the flowers were as long as Jas was at the end of the aisle. The music started the girls started walking and then the flower girl. She walked dropping her flowers as she went but when she got to the end of the aisle she still had flowers so she turned and kept walking until she used all of her flowers.
Then it was my turn. I must have looked nervous but I didn't feel it but I remember my Dad patting my hand and then the doors opened and there was my Jas. He was standing there with the sweetest expression on his face and looked so wonderful in his tuxedo. The day had come and I was going to be marrying him. He would soon be my husband I couldn't believe all of my dreams were coming true. We walked down the aisle, my father and I, and stopped at the end. Jas was misty eyed and smiling. The minister asked Who gives this women and I believe he answered with her parents do and with that he put my hand in Jason's and we began. I don't remember the actually ceremony much. I just remember looking up at him and being totally entranced by him. I couldn't have been happier that moment in my life, this was all of my dreams coming true. We said our vows and exchanged rings. Even though I tried to put his ring on the wrong hand, he stopped me before I could mess it up. Then it was done we were married.
The minister said the words "You may now kiss your bride" Jason lifted my veil and placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed me so sweetly, paused said I love you, and kissed me again. It was amazing.
We're getting married in the morning.
The wedding was all planned. I flew back to Indiana to await my true love's return. I had to order the cake when I got back home from a local baker and our flowers were being handled by a local florist and friend of Jason's so I needed to go by her shop and give her the final details of what I wanted.
Then the day came my future husband was coming home. I was so nervous waiting for him at the airport. I couldn't believe he it was all for real that we would soon be married. Then he came off the plane and man was I glad to see him. He looked amazing, even better than I remembered. Then he took me in his arms and all was right with my world again. My baby was back and we were getting married in just a few days. We headed for home so he could see everyone and I wonder if my feet ever touched the ground the rest of the day I was so happy to be with him I felt like I was floating.
The state fair was going on Indiana so we headed down there a couple of days before our wedding. We went with a bunch of friends and one of them for some reason had gotten into a perfume fight before getting in the car with us. She stunk so bad she gave me a headache. We went and visited my favorite radio station at the fair and they played a song for us and dedicated it to us. We road some rides, I am sure one of them was the ferris wheel as I love those. It was a great way to celebrate our approaching wedding and have some fun.
Then it was almost our wedding day I felt horrible. I couldn't breathe and had a fever so two days before the wedding I am at the Dr's office and come to find out I have a sinus infection. I told the Dr I was getting married in a couple of days is there anything that I can and they gave me something super strong and I left hoping it would work.
The next day was the dress rehearsal. We had planned to do the rehearsal, get something to eat and then head to a skating rink to skate for awhile. However I still felt like C R A P so bad in fact that my face was swollen and I walked down the aisle at rehearsal with an ice pack on my face. After the rehearsal we all wound up back at my mom's house where I was trying to keep it together but I felt horrible. I think the medicine the Dr gave me was working to drain my sinuses because all of sudden I felt sick. I went running up the stairs so as not to make a scene and got sick. Unfortunately the little boy that was the ring bearer in the wedding was on the stairs or something and heard me get sick and went and told everyone. So much for not making scene. It was decided I would go to sleep and hope for better health in the morning even though I really wanted to hang out with all of them. But being better for my wedding was more important I realized so off to bed I went and everyone left. I laid in bed thinking my dreams are coming true, tomorrow I would be married to Jason. I couldn't believe it was real.
The wedding is coming, the wedding is coming start planning
Of course I was no skinny bride but they ensured me they could make the dress fit so we went with it and the fittings began. I loved my dress and couldn't wait to wear it. Then the planning really began. We had invitations, reception, honeymoon, cake, and ceremony all to get done. Luckily my step-mom's aunt was a minister back in Indiana and agreed to marry us at her church and we could use the church for the small reception after the wedding. So that was checked off the list pretty early on. Then the invitations we decided to make those using my Dad's computer and premade blank cards. So we designed them and got the printed. The cards were basic white with an embossed design and we printed And the two shall become one... on the front of the card and glued a red heart rhinestone on the front of the card. Then the inside contained the wedding invitations. I am crafty type person and loved being able to make things for wedding. In fact the invitations were the first of many craft projects I would take on. My step mom found an awesome bridal craft store and I foudn so many things to make for the wedding. 
Those that know me, know that I am not a dress shoe kind of call. I wore white keds to the prom because I despised dress shoes. When I first got to CT. my step-mom told me that she had seen lace high tops at the mall. I was thrilled. We went on mission to find them as I desperately wanted them. Finally we found them. They were white lace high top gym shoes and they were perfect. I got some extra white flower pieces to decorate them. They even had white lace shoe laces. I was so happy with my crazy shoes. For the wedding I put a little pin that had been my grandfather's on my shoe so he would be part of my wedding since he had passed on when I was just 13. Then I needed a veil so back to the craft store we went and I got the stuff to make my veil. I had a lot of fun trying different ways to make the veil before deciding on one that I really liked and finished it. Jason's one reguest for the wedding was that he wanted to lift a veil to kiss me so I made sure to include that.
I am a sentimental kind of person so for a wedding band I wanted something special. I asked my grandmother if I could have her wedding band from when she married my grandfather. She had gotten remarried in June and was very happy to pass along the ring to me. Even better it fit perfectly. Then I went in hunt of Jason's ring. I found one that looked a whole lot like my grandmothers and it was on clearance so we had matchingish rings and were able to keep to our poor kids budget.
I, of course, had been writing and talking to Jason all I could during that summer. Heck we each even had mini tape recorders and would send each other tapes just so we could hear each other's voice. I was suppose to go down and visit him during training but we could never figure out a good time where we would be able to spend time together so that never worked out. But I was glad that I had all the wedding plans to keep from going crazy missing him. At least I had our wedding and future to look forward to while we were apart.
The big news from Jason during all of the wedding preparation was where were we going to live, or better yet where was the Army going to send us. The other guys in his unit were getting there assignments some even got Italy and other overseas places and it was down to just him and one other guy waiting on word of where they would go. I kept getting letters saying he still hadn't heard anything yet. Then one day he called and said I would never guess where we are going to live. Of course I am guessing all kinds of overseas countries and what not. Then he told me we are going to Hawaii. I was like you have got to be kidding. I was excited and terrified at the same time, I was excited to be going to Hawaii but so afraid of being so far away from everyone we knew. We would be together and married so that was the main part.
With almost everything taken care of the last thing we needed to figure out was vows and the ceremony. I wished we could have written our own vows but I knew that would not happen so we went with the standard wedding vows. For the ceremony we knew that so many people were not thrilled with the fact that we were getting married so we had the minister take out the part about if Anyone here has just cause why these two should not be married to speak now or forever hold their peace. We highly doubted anyone would say anything but we didn't even want to give them the opportunity so we took it out.
Then just a couple of more wedding dress fittings and some other smaller details our wedding was planned. Now we just had to make it to the church on time.
