Roller Boy, I love you.

Honey, I loved watching you skate this weekend. It brought back so many wonderful memories of going to the rink and watching you as skate guard. You were/are such an amazing skater and I was always so proud to say you were mine. The look on your face as you skated around the rink was the same look I use to see 20 years ago. You looked so free and happy. You had that adorable little smile and you could just see how much you were enjoying yourself.

I am so proud of what you have accomplished for yourself in the past few weeks you have been competing in the Biggest Loser Contest at work. I know it's not working as fast as you would like but you are always making progress and that is what matters. I love the dedication and determination you are showing. I am so proud of you honey. You amaze me.

You amaze me more each day

Who would have thought after knowing each other for 20 years and being married for 16 1/2 that you would surprise me with something new about you. You have always been my big strong hero. So it never entered my mind that you could have worries that I didn't know about. Thank you for trusting me enough to share your thoughts and concerns.

I am enjoying getting to know the depth of who you are. I know that is so hard for you to let me in and I feel honored to be allowed to in. You truly are an amazing soul and I feel so lucky to get share my life with you. You are my heart and soul, Jason, and I love you dearly.

August 17, 1991 The begining of a whole new life

I woke up that morning to Jason standing in my room. I was confused, as he wasn't suppose to be there it was our wedding day. He kissed me and said he just wanted to check and see how I was feeling. I was surprised to say that I felt much better and was ready to be his wife. With that he left and our wedding day began for me.
First on my agenda was an appt at the hair salon. Got my hair done and got back to my house. The next thing I remember is walking in to the church. To start getting ready. I wasn't really nervous which surprised me. I was just ready to start my married life with my love. With being sick I hadn't really eaten much for a few days and all of a sudden I was starving. I told someone and I think my step-dad went and got me something to eat. I was so happy to see him come in with some food. After my quick lunch it suddenly seemed like everything was happening at once. I remember asking about Jason and all my girls were with me said they hadn't seen him but they had been with me. Then I wandered out in to the hall and saw Jason's dad. He looked at me and said Have you seen Jason? I can't find him or something like that. I wasn't sure if he was kidding me or freaking me out but I went with he is just kidding me and had faith that Jas was there somewhere. He wouldn't do that.
So I went back to getting ready. Since I was wearing lace hightop sneakers I had leggings and socks to wear under my dress. Which I think were much more comfy then panty hose every would have been. I am all about the comfort of things. I had both my Mom and Step-Mom helping me get dressed along with my two friends so I didn't have much to do. Then suddenly everything was done and I was ready to be married to the love of my life, my heart and soul, my Jason. We all went out in to the hall to wait for our time. Everyone was given there flowers and When I was handed mine they weren't exactly what I had ordered,they were pretty but I wanted a single big gardenia to be suspended by fishing line from the bouquet but what could you do I was about to walk down the aisle and that point I didn't really care what the flowers were as long as Jas was at the end of the aisle. The music started the girls started walking and then the flower girl. She walked dropping her flowers as she went but when she got to the end of the aisle she still had flowers so she turned and kept walking until she used all of her flowers.

Then it was my turn. I must have looked nervous but I didn't feel it but I remember my Dad patting my hand and then the doors opened and there was my Jas. He was standing there with the sweetest expression on his face and looked so wonderful in his tuxedo. The day had come and I was going to be marrying him. He would soon be my husband I couldn't believe all of my dreams were coming true. We walked down the aisle, my father and I, and stopped at the end. Jas was misty eyed and smiling. The minister asked Who gives this women and I believe he answered with her parents do and with that he put my hand in Jason's and we began. I don't remember the actually ceremony much. I just remember looking up at him and being totally entranced by him. I couldn't have been happier that moment in my life, this was all of my dreams coming true. We said our vows and exchanged rings. Even though I tried to put his ring on the wrong hand, he stopped me before I could mess it up. Then it was done we were married.

The minister said the words "You may now kiss your bride" Jason lifted my veil and placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed me so sweetly, paused said I love you, and kissed me again. It was amazing.

Then we turned and faced our friends and family and the minister said announced us as Mr. and Mrs. Jason French. Then we started our walk back down the aisle and in to our future. Together. Jason and I.

We're getting married in the morning.

The wedding was all planned. I flew back to Indiana to await my true love's return. I had to order the cake when I got back home from a local baker and our flowers were being handled by a local florist and friend of Jason's so I needed to go by her shop and give her the final details of what I wanted.
Then the day came my future husband was coming home. I was so nervous waiting for him at the airport. I couldn't believe he it was all for real that we would soon be married. Then he came off the plane and man was I glad to see him. He looked amazing, even better than I remembered. Then he took me in his arms and all was right with my world again. My baby was back and we were getting married in just a few days. We headed for home so he could see everyone and I wonder if my feet ever touched the ground the rest of the day I was so happy to be with him I felt like I was floating.
The state fair was going on Indiana so we headed down there a couple of days before our wedding. We went with a bunch of friends and one of them for some reason had gotten into a perfume fight before getting in the car with us. She stunk so bad she gave me a headache. We went and visited my favorite radio station at the fair and they played a song for us and dedicated it to us. We road some rides, I am sure one of them was the ferris wheel as I love those. It was a great way to celebrate our approaching wedding and have some fun.
Then it was almost our wedding day I felt horrible. I couldn't breathe and had a fever so two days before the wedding I am at the Dr's office and come to find out I have a sinus infection. I told the Dr I was getting married in a couple of days is there anything that I can and they gave me something super strong and I left hoping it would work.
The next day was the dress rehearsal. We had planned to do the rehearsal, get something to eat and then head to a skating rink to skate for awhile. However I still felt like C R A P so bad in fact that my face was swollen and I walked down the aisle at rehearsal with an ice pack on my face. After the rehearsal we all wound up back at my mom's house where I was trying to keep it together but I felt horrible. I think the medicine the Dr gave me was working to drain my sinuses because all of sudden I felt sick. I went running up the stairs so as not to make a scene and got sick. Unfortunately the little boy that was the ring bearer in the wedding was on the stairs or something and heard me get sick and went and told everyone. So much for not making scene. It was decided I would go to sleep and hope for better health in the morning even though I really wanted to hang out with all of them. But being better for my wedding was more important I realized so off to bed I went and everyone left. I laid in bed thinking my dreams are coming true, tomorrow I would be married to Jason. I couldn't believe it was real.

The wedding is coming, the wedding is coming start planning

Now I had a ring on my finger, his love in my heart and a wedding to plan. My Dad and step Mom said they would pay for and help plan my wedding but they lived in CT and we were in IN. So when he left to go back to training to join the active duty Army I packed up and went to CT to plan my wedding in Indiana. It was going to be a crazy planning from far away but we were getting married in 2 months and I needed my Dad and Step mom's help so off I went. We had a lot to do in just a little time. I had picked dresses for my girls before I left so that was done but that was about it. We went dress hunting, ordered a few from Penny's catalog but didn't love those, went to a few shops but didn't find anything I loved then we went to a little store near their house and I fell in love with a dress on the bargain rack. Of course I was no skinny bride but they ensured me they could make the dress fit so we went with it and the fittings began. I loved my dress and couldn't wait to wear it. Then the planning really began. We had invitations, reception, honeymoon, cake, and ceremony all to get done. Luckily my step-mom's aunt was a minister back in Indiana and agreed to marry us at her church and we could use the church for the small reception after the wedding. So that was checked off the list pretty early on. Then the invitations we decided to make those using my Dad's computer and premade blank cards. So we designed them and got the printed. The cards were basic white with an embossed design and we printed And the two shall become one... on the front of the card and glued a red heart rhinestone on the front of the card. Then the inside contained the wedding invitations. I am crafty type person and loved being able to make things for wedding. In fact the invitations were the first of many craft projects I would take on. My step mom found an awesome bridal craft store and I foudn so many things to make for the wedding.

Those that know me, know that I am not a dress shoe kind of call. I wore white keds to the prom because I despised dress shoes. When I first got to CT. my step-mom told me that she had seen lace high tops at the mall. I was thrilled. We went on mission to find them as I desperately wanted them. Finally we found them. They were white lace high top gym shoes and they were perfect. I got some extra white flower pieces to decorate them. They even had white lace shoe laces. I was so happy with my crazy shoes. For the wedding I put a little pin that had been my grandfather's on my shoe so he would be part of my wedding since he had passed on when I was just 13. Then I needed a veil so back to the craft store we went and I got the stuff to make my veil. I had a lot of fun trying different ways to make the veil before deciding on one that I really liked and finished it. Jason's one reguest for the wedding was that he wanted to lift a veil to kiss me so I made sure to include that.
I am a sentimental kind of person so for a wedding band I wanted something special. I asked my grandmother if I could have her wedding band from when she married my grandfather. She had gotten remarried in June and was very happy to pass along the ring to me. Even better it fit perfectly. Then I went in hunt of Jason's ring. I found one that looked a whole lot like my grandmothers and it was on clearance so we had matchingish rings and were able to keep to our poor kids budget.
I, of course, had been writing and talking to Jason all I could during that summer. Heck we each even had mini tape recorders and would send each other tapes just so we could hear each other's voice. I was suppose to go down and visit him during training but we could never figure out a good time where we would be able to spend time together so that never worked out. But I was glad that I had all the wedding plans to keep from going crazy missing him. At least I had our wedding and future to look forward to while we were apart.
The big news from Jason during all of the wedding preparation was where were we going to live, or better yet where was the Army going to send us. The other guys in his unit were getting there assignments some even got Italy and other overseas places and it was down to just him and one other guy waiting on word of where they would go. I kept getting letters saying he still hadn't heard anything yet. Then one day he called and said I would never guess where we are going to live. Of course I am guessing all kinds of overseas countries and what not. Then he told me we are going to Hawaii. I was like you have got to be kidding. I was excited and terrified at the same time, I was excited to be going to Hawaii but so afraid of being so far away from everyone we knew. We would be together and married so that was the main part.
With almost everything taken care of the last thing we needed to figure out was vows and the ceremony. I wished we could have written our own vows but I knew that would not happen so we went with the standard wedding vows. For the ceremony we knew that so many people were not thrilled with the fact that we were getting married so we had the minister take out the part about if Anyone here has just cause why these two should not be married to speak now or forever hold their peace. We highly doubted anyone would say anything but we didn't even want to give them the opportunity so we took it out.
Then just a couple of more wedding dress fittings and some other smaller details our wedding was planned. Now we just had to make it to the church on time.

Getting the ring

Well I knew he had a ring in layaway and it drove me crazy. So crazy in fact that I canceled a layaway for clothes that I had so I could get the money to get my ring. I didn't get enough to get my ring but it helped. Jason and I talked a lot about what we wanted to do. I thought we should still go to school in the fall but I refused to stay in the dorm. The stories I heard about Jason's roommate terrified me, and I didn't want any part of dorm life. I wanted to get an apartment with Jason and another friend or two. I told my Dad and he said no way I had to stay in the dorm. I refused and told him fine I won't go and we will get married instead. So that is how we came to marriage instead of college. Jason decided he would go active duty Army since he knew that we would be able to make it in the military. So he went and talked to recruiters and signed up for active duty.
He had inprocessing the day I got to walk for graduation. We were staying with my Dad and step mom at a nearby hotel. He had his recruiter pick him up there and he went out the door by 5 am. I took his car and went to graduation rehearsal and then met him back at the hotel before graduation night. We all went to graduation and then back to the hotel late that night. When we got back to the room he walks in and throws a bag in my lap and walks back out of the room and flops on the bed. I see the name on the bag and it is the jewelry store were the ring was. I jump up and chase after him and tell him no way is he going to sleep now. He gets up and puts the ring on my finger. Then said he was exhausted and was going to sleep. So I was officially engaged and he was sleeping. I imagine I laid awake looking at the ring for a long time, knowing it meant he would always be by my side. Even though it wasn't the exciting presentation like I had hoped for, like every girl dreams of, I was ecstatic to being marrying him, he was truly my dream come true.

The next evening my dad threw me a graduation dinner and party. Jason's parents came to my graduation dinner. I know they weren't thrilled that we were getting married but I was glad that they came to the party. We had a dj and got to dance and celebrate a whole lot more than my graduation from school I was going to be Mrs. Jason.

My Senior prom and the trip that changed our lives forever

That spring was my senior prom, Jason was a starving college kid and I was a nanny but I really wanted to go to the prom with Jason as my date. I got us tickets and begged him to go with me but he said he couldn't afford a tux and wouldn't go. My mom finally said she would rent him a jacket, he had black dress pants and black tux shirt so he agreed and came and took me to my Senior Prom. He looked wonderful and I was so proud to show up on his arm. Jason and I are not leaders in the land of school, we weren't the cool kids or anything like that but that night at the prom we were the first ones on the dance floor followed by my friends. I was so proud of him I coudln't wait to get out there and dance with him. There was nothing like the feeling of him holding me in his arms and dancing with me. I think at one point he was the only guy dancing with about 4 or 5 of my friends dancing around him. We had a wonderful time at prom and had a blast at after prom back at the school. I don't think there was a way my senior prom could have been better.
Not long after my prom my best friend and I decided to head to Florida to visit my grandparents and a friend of Jason's that my friend liked. It would be fun just the two of us going to Florida via plane. We flew done and made it there with little drama. Hung out with my grandparents for a few days and then Jason's friend came and took us to Universal Studios Florida. We had a lot of fun at the park and then went back to his apartment and hung out. He made us fried shark which I have to admit wasn't too bad. Then his neighbors came over and were talking about the snakes they had at their apartment so my friend and I went over to see the snakes. Well some how this guy got it in his head that I like him or at least that he liked me and tried to put the moves on me. For some reason my friend left me there in his apartment. I told him I wasn't interested, that I had a boyfriend, but he wouldn't let me leave. The more he talked the more I felt like I was in an after school special. He said all the typical tv show things, You know you want to, Your boyfriend doesn't have to find out, and just told him NO leave me alone and some how I convinced him to let me leave. I ran back to the apartment and lost it. I was so mad she left me there and I was so scared about what could have been. Some how I wound up on the phone with Jason and told him what happened. He didn't have much to say but I could tell he was upset just not sure if it was at me, the neighbor or my friend or all three of us. I was so upset that I made our friend take us back to my grandparents house early because I was afraid I would run in to the neighbor again. We finished our trip to Florida and Jason picked us up at the airport and brought us back to my house. When we got home he handed me a card. In it he wrote he was so upset when he heard about what happened in Florida that he had gotten in his car and started driving towards Florida. He had gotten to Kentucky I believe when he figured out he didn't know exactly where he was going so he want back to his dorm. I was surprised to say the least, but was pretty happy that he was going to try and be my brave knight coming to my rescue. Then I continued on reading. He said while he was driving that he realized he must really care about me if he dropped everything and was headed half way across the country after me. Then he ended the note with remember the ring we were looking at when were at the mall, I went back and it was gone. I looked up at him funny and then continued reading, he continued with it was gone because I bought it and put it in layaway. I was stunned and just stared at him. Did this mean what I think it means? I don't remember what I said or did but imagine I cried and hugged and kissed him. I couldn't believe it.

I finished school and he leaves for school

In January 1991 I graduated from High school. I had enough credits to graduate at midterm and I left. I was ready to take on a new world but at the same time Jason decided he wanted to go to college at Vincennes so he left for school shortly after I graduated. He was about 2 hours away and came home when he could. I got a job being a nanny for a little boy named Jake and spent my time hanging out with my friends and watching Jake. Shortly after he went to school I borrowed my step dad's car and drove down to visit him in his dorm room. On the way down the heat in the car broke and by the time I arrived at the campus I was freezing cold, my feet were numb. I made it to his dorm room and we called my step dad to tell him. Then I hung out with my honey. Met his roommate, who I was not impressed with. Saw where he was living and got a tour of the campus. My Mom and step dad arrived and my visit was over but it was so nice to be with him. We wrote lots of letters and talked on the phone when we could. He came up to visit me when he had drill for the National Guard. Occasionally he even just came to visit me just becaused he missed me. He would just show up at the place I was babysitting and surprise me with dinner or something. Those were some of my favorite times.
In February he took me to the Valentine's dance for the high school. I was still able to attend even though I had graduated early. My parents' dog had had puppies and he loved them. I swear he is a dog whisper sometimes. Anyways one of the puppies picked him. In the picture this is us right before the Valentine's dance and the puppy was still a tiny blob in my hand. We named the pup Sniffles as she was always sniffing at you when you held her. Sniffles was so smitten with Jason she would climb out of her whelping box to get to him and once she figured that out she wouldn't stay in the box, so they put chicken wire around the box but they didn't hold her back long. Then we gated the door to the kitchen so she couldn't get out but she still figured out how to get over the gate. When he showed up I would go out to his car and she would follow me and jump in the backseat and come up between the two front seats and just sit next to him. They adored each other.
During one of his visits we were hanging out at the mall and started looking at rings. I showed him a ring I loved. It was a very light blue topaz ring with tiny diamonds on either side. I told him if he wanted to buy me a ring he could get me that ring. Then we went off looking at who knows what else. Some how we both knew our relationship was moving in a bigger better direction but we weren't sure what was going to happen exactly we just knew we loved each other and wanted to be together. I planned to join him at school in the fall and to see what would happen. We were dreaming of our future together and life was good.

The circus brought me a miracle.

I started my senior year of high school and things with Jason were getting better, I was seeing him more often but still not like I had hoped. Then in September we made plans to go to see Ringling Brothers circus together. I was so excited to go to the circus I loved clowns and it would be so great to go with him. He picked me up and gave me a card. It was a card that changed my life and made happier then I had been in a long time. In it he had written that he made the decision that we should be together and wanted us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I could almost say it was worth the horrid summer for that moment but I am not so certain of that. I couldn't tell you a single thing about the circus that evening. I am not sure if I watched a single bit of it or just stared at him in disbelief. All my wishes and prayers had been answered and he was back with me. My heart was complete again.
I was a senior in high school and had the man of my dreams my life was going the way it was suppose to. Jason took me to homecoming dance that year. We had a blast, I loved being with him and showing everyone he was mine. He had a motorcycle and use to show up at school at the end of the day to pick me up. He would be wearing his leather jacket and helmet and sitting in the parking lot. He looked so mysterious waiting out there. I remember people asking me who he was as you couldn't see him through his helmet. I loved climbing on the back of his bike and riding out of that parking lot. It was the most freeing feeling. We would take the bike back to his parents house where we would trade it for his car and then he would take me home. My mom would have freaked if she knew we were riding the bike so we always went and got the car before he took me home.
I started writing to him in a little diary I had. I would write to him and then give him the book. He would write back in the book and we had this great little book of memories and thoughts we shared. It was fun to be able to read back over it and think about things we had shared.
We had some crazy fun times hanging out at the local park on the playground with our friends. Going to Movies 8 and watching cheap movies. Watching rented movies at my house or just hanging out with friends. It was an amazing time.
That Christmas I was going to Florida with my father and stepmother to visit my grandparents. I got my dad to agree to let Jason come with me so we got to spend some time on the beaches of Anna Maria Island and went to Disney World, Epcot and MGM studios. He loved the beaches and I love being with him. It felt if everything was just like it should be. We shared Christmas together in Florida that year and I really had hoped he would get me a ring but new it wasn't really going to happen but it doesn't stop a girl from dreaming. I loved him so much I wanted nothing more than to be with him forever.

The saddest summer and I boy was I confused

He moved back home and I didn't know what to think or do with out him. I was so confused as what his intentions were. I use to drive by his house when ever my friends and I were going some where just in hopes of seeing him for a few seconds. He was a rebel and still came around not as much as I wanted but he was around. He would just show up or call out of the blue. I was thrilled when ever he showed up. It made me so happy to get to be near him for a few minutes. He brought me flowers once that summer and it was so wonderful to know that he was thinking of me. I loved seeing the flowers in my room. Then my birthday rolled around and he showed up with a licorice rope and suction cup dart gun. I had no idea what he was thinking but I was thrilled that he was thinking of me and thought to make an effort for my birthday. I know this summer we went skating a lot so I could see him, I sure was lucky to have such wonderful friends that went along with my obsessive behavior. Several times he showed up and we were able to go out to the movies, putt putt, or just to get something to eat. I remember sitting at the drive in movie with him and talking. It was so nice to just be with him again. He would be around and then gone again for awhile then back for awhile. I was completely lost with out him my heart ached from what I had and lost. I am sure he was trying to figure out his life and what he wanted but man was I confused. I sure was glad when that summer ended.

What a wonderful couple of months but then

I was finally his girlfriend, HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND, I couldn't believe it. It took over 2 years but it finally happened. I had never been so happy. He had his own apartment and we would hang out at his apartment. One night he took some fireworks and opened them up and arranged them in to heart and called me out to the balcony and lit them. It was the sweetest thing anyone had done for me.
Shortly after we started dating he decided he wanted to go to Massachusetts to visit his family and friends. I told my mom he was going and she told me to go with him. It was an awesome trip. I got to meet most of his relatives and we had fun with his friends. We went to the aquarium in Boston. Slept in a tent in his friend's yard. We talked a lot and dreamed alot. He had CB radio and we would talk to the truckers. One of them used the handle Too Tall and told us that we had to name our first kid after him. It was an amazing time with him. However if you ask him I slept the entire trip and didn't even wake up when he stopped to get something to eat and take a potty break. I am sure he is exaggrating though, I couldn't have slept that much. :0)
Just after the trip I was sitting in 4th period waiting for class to start when Jason's sister came running in the room got right in front of me and said I heard you were dating my brother. I said I was. She said why didn't you tell me and I said something like I didn't want to upset her. She was my friend but he was my heart. I wonder what she thought, I wonder if she was mad at me or him. I pretty sure she knew I liked her brother from early on in our friendship.
He worked for skating rink and we would hang out there and skate or I would just watch him skate. He was a great skater and every one loved him. I was so proud of him and loved knowing that we were together. He really was my dream come true walking or skating around.
My friends and I would come down to his apartment and hang out. He loved to watch Star Trek and I use to tease him that I thought his tv was broken because every time I was there it was playing Star Trek. I remember eating captain crunch cereal and my friends had eaten all the berries from the crunch berry cereal. A couple of them playing Chubby bunny with marshmallows (seeing how many marshmallows you could fit in your mouth and still say chubby bunny) I first told him I loved him in his apartment, even though he just stared at me when I told him I did love him and I just hoped that one day he would feel the same way. We shared so much at his apartment . One of the funniest memories I have of his apartment was right before one of the saddest parts of our relationship. He had to move out of his apartment because he couldn't afford it anymore and would be moving back home. It would be nice to have him closer but I knew he was sad to be giving up his freedom. Little did I know how much it would cost me too. Before he moved out we were hanging out in his apartment and he had cool whip in the fridge. Somehow we wound up having a coolwhip fight. It was so much fun, we laughed so hard and had a great time.
Then the bad news, he was moving home and his parents didn't approve of our relationship so he would have to break up with me in order to move back home. His parents loved his ex-girlfriend and I wasn't her and never could or would be. I wasn't good enough for their boy because of who I had dated before. There was nothing I could do to change things. I was losing my heart and I was was powerless to change it.
How could this be? How could I get everything I had hoped for only to have it taken away over something I couldn't control. I was heartbroken, lost and confused.

Oh my gosh is it true, could it be possible

Then it was the spring of 1990. Ahh spring brings new life and love to the earth and anything feels possible. Little did I know something I thought was impossible would finally be possible. Jason was no longer with his girlfriend we were still friends and hanging out. I wasn't pushing him for anything but we were enjoying being friends. Then one day he was at our house and we were watching TV and horsing around. He started tickling me and pinned me down and was about to tickle me when he paused looked at me and kissed me. OH MY GOSH. I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't believe it, was it really possible that he just kissed me. What did that mean, what am I suppose to do now? I don't remember what happened next for certain but I know I was thrilled. I do recall him leaving and standing on my front porch and just looking at him, amazed. I believe he had a band rehearsal that night but I convinced him to skip it and he came back and we went to the movies with my mom and sister. We saw Cousins. I think the movie was lame but sitting there holding his hand was amazing. Soon after that I officially broke up with my boyfriend and began officially dating Jason. My dreams were coming true, I couldn't believe it was really possible, but he was there with me and I was the happiest I had ever been.

You are my friend and I am grateful for that

Once he returned from the Army training we continued on our journey of friendship. I loved being with him and talking to him. He was amazing to me and my heart would just thump whenever he was around. I loved going to movies with him, playing putt putt, hanging at the skating rink where he worked. I think I skipped school a few times and went to college classes with him just so we could hang out.
Then things changed with his girlfriend. I heard that she was cheating on him and I knew he would be heart broken to find out. For whatever reason my boyfriend at the time took it upon himself to tell Jason about it. I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I knew his heart was being broken. I tried to call him that evening to see how he was doing but his parents said he was out walking. Since we lived in the same neighborhood I went and sat outside hoping to see him walk by. I can still see him walking down the street, wearing his sherpa lined denim jacket looking down at the ground and walking slowly around the corner. My heart broke seeing how sad he was. What would I say to him, how could I make it a little better for him. He slowly came up to us and I just remember taking him in my arms and holding him in a big hug. We sat at the end of my driveway and talked for awhile. He was so sad, I just wanted to fix it for him. Then my sister's friend came out of the house and started yapping away. She popped off with well since you don't have a girlfriend any more you can just date Heather. As much as I would have loved that I knew he was in no place to even be considering that. I told her to shut up. Shortly after that Jas went back to walking.
I can't say I was heartbroken that they broke up. I loved knowing that he was now available but I was not going to upset him and pursue him. He knew what I thought and knew that I would be there if that is ever something he wanted to pursue. Until then he would remain my friend and I would be grateful for that if I couldn't have more.

Moving on~ Basic Training time

He was gone and I missed him so much. I still had my boyfriend but my heart ached for Jason. I watched the mail like a hawk for word from him and was beside myself when a letter finally came. We wrote so many letters and shared so much while he was gone. It was the most amazing time getting to know him.
It turned out his sister was in my science class at school and we became friends. It was strange to be friends with her and know how my heart ached for her brother. But some how we managed to be friends that summer. When the time came for Jason to go back from training his family planned a welcome home party. I was able to go over and help before the party and then when his parents pulled up and he got out of the car my heart skipped. He was gorgeous with his army man tan and muscles from all his workouts. I couldn't believe it was him. It was wonderful to see him again but even better to have him look down at me and smile, take me in his arms and give me a big hug. My heart was happy, Jason was home.


All of our letter writing made us even better friends and I couldn't be happier. We got to go hang out a lot. Going to movies or to play putt putt. In fact I think he still owes me for a bet we had for one of those putt putt games. We even worked together at a little local pizza place. He was the manager and I was one of the pizza prep people. It was so much fun working with him and getting to see him so often. I loved being his friend, I would have loved being his girlfriend but at least he was my friend and I was happy to have what I did.

How I met the love of my life

When I was just 14 I was hanging out with a friend and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend needed a ride home and called one of his friends. The friend came to pick him up and as soon as I saw him something in my heart changed. I wanted to know him, talk to him, be with him. He was my Jason. Shortly after the first brief meeting my friend and her boyfriend wanted me to go on a double date with them and the Jason. I was just 14 and a freshman, the guy was a senior but I wanted to meet him so I agreed to go and convinced my mom to let me go. I was so very nervous when we left I could barely talk. He would talk to me and I would hardly be able to answer I was so nervous. I found out I was the only one who thought we were on a date when we stopped by his girlfriend's job. So then I was not only nervous but embarassed. After the visit to the girlfriends we wound up back at Jason's house to watch a movie. He kept offering me something to drink but I wouldn't take anything. He finally brought me a glass of crystal light and I made myself drink it. I would watch him when he wasn't looking but I was so intimidated I didn't know what to do. At the end of the "date" I spent the night with my friend and all I could think about was Jason. I knew he had a girlfriend so I decided I would be his friend and see what would happen. I wound up dating his friend, my friend's ex, so I got to be his friend via my boyfriend.

We wound up double dating with him and his girlfriend to the prom that year, and since both he and my boyfriend at the time were in Jazz band I saw him at shows and even got to attend his high school graduation. Over the summer we hung out a lot and even became friends ourselves. I loved being his friend we had so much fun together. I was thrilled with every moment we got to share. Eventually he decided to join the Army Reserves and headed out to basic training. I remember going out as a big group to say goodbye to him and he took everyone home before me. When we got to my house and stood in the driveway talking. I didn't want him to go, I wanted to stand their and talk to him forever. I was afraid he would forget me while he was gone and I was determined to not let that happen. I made him promise to write to me from basic and that I would write him back. Then he had to leave. I gave him a big hug and watched him drive away.

Why I felt the need to create this blog

I have felt the need to create a place so I can honor my husband and how much he means to me. I read so many posts on the different boards I frequent about all the ways husbands screw up or piss off thier wives and I wanted to share something different. Don't get me wrong he does things to upset me but he does so many things to make me feel loved and cared for that I wanted to share those things that make him so special to me.